Teaching on lightness
“You don't have to take yourself seriously.”
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Anthony de Mello

The Lightness of Being: Embracing Playfulness in Seriousness

In the words of Anthony de Mello, "You don't have to take yourself seriously." This simple yet profound statement invites us to reconsider our relationship with self-importance and the weight we often carry in our lives. In a world that frequently demands seriousness, this teaching serves as a gentle reminder that lightness can coexist with our deepest responsibilities and aspirations. The stakes are high; by embracing this lightness, we can cultivate a more joyful existence, free from the burdens of self-judgment and the relentless pursuit of perfection.

De Mello's insight encourages us to explore the paradox of seriousness and play. While we navigate the complexities of life, we often find ourselves trapped in a cycle of overthinking and self-criticism. This quote challenges us to break free from that cycle, suggesting that a playful approach to our existence can lead to greater awareness and connection with ourselves and others. By not taking ourselves too seriously, we open the door to spontaneity, creativity, and a deeper understanding of our true nature.

The image / the metaphor

The imagery in de Mello's quote evokes a sense of liberation. The phrase "take yourself seriously" conjures the weight of responsibility, the burden of expectations, and the heaviness of self-judgment. In contrast, the invitation to not take ourselves seriously suggests a lightness, a buoyancy that allows us to float above the fray of life's challenges. The verbs chosen here—"take" and "seriously"—imply an active engagement with our self-perception, one that can be transformed into a more playful, relaxed stance.

Diving deeper into the metaphor, we can see that this lightness is not about dismissing our responsibilities or avoiding the gravity of life’s situations. Instead, it is an invitation to engage with life from a place of joy and curiosity. When we approach our experiences with a sense of play, we can navigate difficulties with resilience and creativity. This playful engagement fosters a sense of connection to the present moment, allowing us to experience life more fully and authentically.

In the speaker's tradition

Anthony de Mello's teachings are deeply rooted in the Christian mystical tradition, which emphasizes the importance of inner awareness and the transformative power of love. Concepts such as kenosis, the self-emptying of one’s own will, resonate with the idea of not taking oneself too seriously. By letting go of our rigid self-perceptions and the need for control, we can experience a profound sense of freedom and openness to the divine. This aligns with the mystical understanding that true wisdom often emerges from a place of humility and surrender.

In his work "Awareness," de Mello draws on the idea of sunyata, or emptiness, which invites us to recognize the illusory nature of our identities and the stories we tell ourselves. This recognition allows us to step back from the seriousness with which we often approach our lives. By embracing this emptiness, we can cultivate a sense of playfulness and spontaneity, much like the teachings found in the writings of other mystics who emphasize the importance of living in the present moment and finding joy in the ordinary.

Living the teaching

Consider a modern scenario where this teaching can be applied: a workplace filled with deadlines and high expectations. In such an environment, it is easy to become consumed by stress and self-importance, leading to burnout and dissatisfaction. By embracing de Mello's invitation to not take ourselves too seriously, we can shift our perspective. This might mean approaching a challenging project with a sense of humor, allowing ourselves to make mistakes, and viewing setbacks as opportunities for growth rather than failures. Such an approach not only lightens our own load but can also create a more collaborative and enjoyable atmosphere for our colleagues.

This teaching can also find its way into our personal relationships. Imagine a moment of tension with a loved one, where misunderstandings and hurt feelings have created a heavy atmosphere. By choosing to not take ourselves too seriously, we can approach the situation with a sense of playfulness, perhaps even using humor to diffuse the tension. This lightness can pave the way for deeper connection and understanding, reminding us that our relationships are not merely about being right or maintaining a façade of seriousness, but about sharing our humanity and vulnerability.

A reflection

As we contemplate de Mello's profound statement, we are invited to reflect on our own lives: In what areas do we take ourselves too seriously? How might embracing a sense of lightness transform our experiences and relationships? By asking ourselves these questions, we can begin to uncover the layers of self-imposed seriousness that may be holding us back from experiencing the fullness of life. Let us carry this inquiry into our daily practices, allowing the wisdom of playfulness to guide us toward a more joyful existence.

ArtistAnthony de Mello

Jesuit priest and psychotherapist who blended Christian spirituality with Buddhist and Hindu insights.

Got Questions?

Frequently Asked Questions

De Mello's quote encourages us to release the burdens of self-importance and the weight of expectations we often carry. It suggests that embracing a lighter, more playful approach to life can lead to greater joy and awareness.
You can apply this teaching by consciously choosing to approach challenges with a sense of humor and curiosity. Instead of getting bogged down by stress or perfectionism, allow yourself to make mistakes and view them as opportunities for growth.
Yes, the idea of lightness and playfulness in spirituality can be found in various Christian mystical writings, particularly those that emphasize humility and the importance of living in the present moment, such as the works of Meister Eckhart and Julian of Norwich.
Seriousness often implies a rigid attachment to self-identity and expectations, while playfulness allows for flexibility, creativity, and a deeper connection to the present moment. Playfulness invites us to engage with life without the weight of self-judgment.
Mindfulness meditation can support this teaching by helping you cultivate awareness of your thoughts and feelings. By observing your inner dialogue without judgment, you can begin to recognize where you take yourself too seriously and gently shift toward a more playful perspective.

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