The Choice of Love: Beyond Feelings
Glennon Doyle's assertion that "Love is not a feeling. Love is a series of choices" invites us to reconsider the very foundation of love itself. In a world often enamored with the ephemeral nature of feelings, this perspective challenges us to recognize love as an active, deliberate process rather than a passive emotional state. This distinction is crucial, as it places the responsibility of love squarely in our hands, urging us to engage with it consciously and intentionally.
By framing love as a series of choices, Doyle emphasizes the importance of agency in our relationships. This understanding shifts the narrative from one of romantic idealism, where love is seen as a fleeting emotion, to a more grounded approach that acknowledges the complexities and commitments inherent in loving others. It compels us to reflect on how our daily decisions shape the quality of our connections, urging us to cultivate love through actions that reflect our values and intentions.
The image / the metaphor
At first glance, the quote presents a stark contrast between feeling and choice, evoking a sense of tension between the heart and the mind. The imagery of "choices" suggests a landscape of possibilities, where each decision we make can either nurture or hinder the growth of love. The verbs "is" and "are" in Doyle's statement imply a state of being that is dynamic and evolving, rather than static or fixed. This invites us to visualize love not as a singular moment of passion but as a garden that requires ongoing care and attention.
Diving deeper into the metaphor, we can see that love, like a garden, thrives on the choices we make daily. Each act of kindness, each moment of patience, and each decision to forgive can be seen as seeds planted in the soil of our relationships. Conversely, neglect or indifference can lead to a barren landscape, devoid of the richness that love can bring. Thus, the metaphor of love as a series of choices encourages us to be mindful gardeners, tending to our connections with intention and care.
In the speaker's tradition
Glennon Doyle's insights resonate deeply within the realm of modern spirituality, where the emphasis often lies on personal growth and authenticity. Her perspective aligns with concepts such as bhakti, the path of devotion in Hinduism, which emphasizes love as an active expression of commitment and service. In this light, love transcends mere emotion, becoming a practice of devotion that requires conscious effort and dedication to others' well-being.
Moreover, Doyle's understanding of love as a series of choices echoes the Buddhist concept of sunyata, or emptiness, which teaches that our perceptions and experiences are shaped by our actions and intentions. Just as sunyata invites us to recognize the impermanence of feelings, Doyle's assertion encourages us to engage with love as a fluid and evolving practice. In her book "Love Warrior," she illustrates this through her own journey, revealing how the choices she made in her relationships ultimately defined her experience of love.
Living the teaching
Consider a modern scenario where this teaching can be applied: a couple navigating the challenges of a long-term relationship. In moments of frustration or disconnection, it can be easy to succumb to the belief that love is fading, driven by fleeting feelings. However, if both partners consciously choose to communicate openly, express gratitude, and prioritize each other's needs, they actively cultivate love, reinforcing their bond through intentional actions rather than relying solely on emotional highs.
Another application of this teaching can be found in the context of self-love, particularly during difficult moments. When faced with self-doubt or criticism, one might feel unworthy or unloved. Yet, by choosing to engage in self-compassionate practices—such as affirmations, mindfulness, or seeking support from friends—individuals can actively foster a loving relationship with themselves. This choice to nurture one's own well-being reflects the essence of Doyle's message: love is not merely a feeling to be felt but a series of deliberate choices that shape our reality.
A reflection
As we contemplate Glennon Doyle's profound assertion, we are invited to reflect on our own understanding of love. How might our lives change if we approached love as a series of choices rather than a fleeting feeling? In what ways can we actively cultivate love in our relationships, both with others and ourselves? This contemplation encourages us to embrace the transformative power of choice, reminding us that love, in its truest form, is a commitment to act with intention and care.
