Teaching on love
“To love freely is to be free.”
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Anthony de Mello

In the profound words of Anthony de Mello, "To love freely is to be free." This statement invites us to consider the intricate relationship between love and freedom, suggesting that true liberation arises not from the absence of constraints but from the ability to love without conditions. In a world often marked by transactional relationships and conditional affections, this perspective challenges us to redefine our understanding of both love and freedom, urging us to explore how they intertwine in our lives.

De Mello's assertion resonates deeply in a society where love is frequently entangled with expectations, fears, and possessiveness. To love freely is to embrace a state of being that transcends these limitations, allowing us to connect with others in a way that fosters unity and understanding. This exploration of love as a pathway to freedom invites us to reflect on our own relationships and the ways in which we may inadvertently bind ourselves and others through our attachments and expectations.

The image / the metaphor

At its core, the quote evokes a vivid imagery of love as an expansive force, one that liberates rather than confines. The verb "to love" suggests an active engagement, a dynamic process that requires openness and vulnerability. The word "freely" implies a lack of constraints, a release from the shackles of expectation and fear. This imagery invites us to envision love as a vast landscape where we can roam without barriers, experiencing the fullness of connection with others.

Diving deeper into the metaphor, we can see that love, when expressed freely, becomes a transformative energy that not only enriches our lives but also the lives of those around us. It is a force that fosters unity, breaking down the walls of separation that often define human interactions. In this sense, love is not merely an emotion but a state of being that aligns us with our true nature, allowing us to experience the interconnectedness of all life.

In the speaker's tradition

Anthony de Mello's insights are deeply rooted in the Christian mystical tradition, which emphasizes the importance of love as a pathway to divine union. Concepts such as kenosis, or self-emptying, resonate with the idea of loving freely; it is through the relinquishing of our ego and desires that we can truly embrace others. This aligns with the notion of bhakti, or devotional love, which calls for an unconditional love that transcends the self and seeks the divine in others.

In his work, de Mello often draws upon the teachings of Jesus, who exemplified love in its purest form. The Gospel of John speaks of love as the essence of God, stating that "God is love" (1 John 4:8). This profound connection between love and the divine underscores the transformative power of loving freely, suggesting that such love not only liberates us but also brings us closer to the divine presence that permeates all existence.

Living the teaching

Consider a modern scenario where this teaching can be applied: a workplace filled with competition and ambition. In such an environment, individuals often find themselves measuring their worth against others, leading to a culture of conditional relationships. By embracing the idea of loving freely, one can shift the focus from rivalry to collaboration, fostering an atmosphere of support and encouragement. This shift not only enhances personal well-being but also cultivates a sense of community and shared purpose.

In the context of personal relationships, the teaching of loving freely can be particularly poignant during moments of conflict. Imagine a disagreement with a loved one where both parties feel hurt and misunderstood. By choosing to love freely, one can approach the situation with empathy and understanding, seeking to connect rather than to defend. This practice of unconditional love can transform the dynamic, allowing for healing and deeper connection, ultimately leading to a more profound sense of freedom within the relationship.

A reflection

As we contemplate the essence of de Mello's quote, we are invited to reflect on our own experiences of love and freedom. Are there areas in our lives where we find ourselves holding back our love due to fear or expectation? In what ways can we cultivate a practice of loving freely, allowing ourselves and others the freedom to be fully present? This contemplation can lead us to a deeper understanding of both love and freedom, guiding us toward a more authentic and connected existence.

ArtistAnthony de Mello

Jesuit priest and psychotherapist who blended Christian spirituality with Buddhist and Hindu insights.

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De Mello suggests that true freedom is found in the ability to love without conditions or expectations. This perspective challenges conventional notions of love, which often involve attachments and demands, and instead promotes a form of love that liberates both the lover and the beloved.
You can apply this teaching by consciously choosing to engage in relationships without the burden of expectations. This might involve practicing empathy, understanding, and support, allowing love to flow freely without the constraints of fear or judgment.
Yes, the concept of unconditional love and its connection to freedom is prevalent in Christian mysticism. Texts such as the writings of St. John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila emphasize the transformative power of love as a means to unite with the divine.
Conditional love is based on expectations and often involves a sense of ownership or control, while unconditional love is freely given without any strings attached. In the context of de Mello's teaching, unconditional love is what leads to true freedom.
Mindfulness and self-reflection are key practices that support living this teaching. By becoming aware of our attachments and expectations in relationships, we can cultivate a mindset that embraces love without conditions.
Fostering freedom in relationships involves open communication, vulnerability, and a willingness to let go of control. By creating a safe space for both yourself and others to express feelings and needs, you can nurture a loving environment that encourages freedom.

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